Loves Dark Comedy Gifts

'I'm sorry, Hargrove - But I'm afraid this time a simple reprimand just won't do.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Dead Funny

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Housekeeping?!"

"I thought you wanted me to change."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

The Reaper's Arms

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

100 best beheadings

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'