Lover Of The Mystical T-Shirts

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

"Oh, dear! You're going to meet a tall, dark misogynist."

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Europa takes a selfie

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

Centaur falls in love.

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

"Jerry, you can't keep coming back from the dead every time I have coffee with someone."

Octopus Lady

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

"That door's no protection against Hobgoblins." - Elf And Safety Inspector

When I said I wanted a second opinion on my prognosis, this isn't exactly what I meant.

Balloon Man

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

William Tell (alternate)

'He says the world will be swallowed up by a dragon!'

"She would've been more credible if she hadn't kept saying, 'according to your Wikipedia page'."

'YOur wife says she's been watching you, and there are a lot of things you need to work on.'

"You are gullible and naive. You believe untrained charlatans. You squander your money."

''See, I told you this whole Bigfoot thing was nothing more than an elaborate hoax.''

Sasq-watch: A Watch in the form of Sasquatch/Bigfoot

'Never mind all that stuff! Can you see somewhere to park next tuesday?'

Meaning Of Life $5.00

"And right about then the price of great big stones went out of sight."

Route 666

'Madame Astra spiritualist' door 'Please ring, knocking only confuses'

'You will meet a tall dark stranger and you will beat him 6-4, 6-3, 6-0!'

'This is what I've been waiting for-a bunch of fishermen telling fish stories.'

Giant Visitor