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Modern Fortune Tellers

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

'I see people laughing at you.'

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

'Hold it right there, pal! I had a vision that your check is going to bounce, so you can just head right back to your car!'

'I guess I don't need to tell you that you got the job.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

'Reeta can tell your fortune from your bank statements.'

"That door's no protection against Hobgoblins." - Elf And Safety Inspector

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'

When I said I wanted a second opinion on my prognosis, this isn't exactly what I meant.

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

"We can thank Hippocrates for changing healing from an occult art to a science."

Astral Projecting Babushkas

'You will meet a tall, handsome psychologist who will teat your gullibility.'

'Miró, Miró, on the wall . . .'

'This one here would probably be best for you; It prefers partial shade, needs little water and grows best in esoteric single-panel cartoons.'

Meaning Of Life $5.00

"And right about then the price of great big stones went out of sight."

Three balls...no waiting.

'Can I borrow a cuppa tealeaves,dearie?

"I see love, adventure and happiness coming into my life!"

"Madam Zelda passed to the other side last week. Would you want me to get a message to her?"

A Palm reader reading her palm with the aid of a battery powered night light

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

"£80 for a crystal ball?? They must've seen you coming. . . !"

Nice Santa vs. Naughty Santa.

'Know your future - palmistry, tarot cards, DNA screening'