Lover Of Office Satire Gifts

"Don't worry, our benefits cover great therapy."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Lethal Presentation

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.