Lover Of Office Satire Pillows

"Don't worry, our benefits cover great therapy."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

Lethal Presentation

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"We have an acronym!"

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."