Lover Of Humorous Predictions Gifts

'I see a short, fair, ugly man coming into your life.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

"We no longer use Astrology or crystal balls. We now use algorithms to predict the future."

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

Funky Facts: Elephants.

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'I'm looking for a short synopsis of the future in digital format.'

'What are you implying?'

"That's because supply exceeds demand."

"Johnson's our head of forecasting, he alos works part-time as a successful science fiction writer."

The first step is losing the illusion that you're in control of your actions.

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

"Having conducted a thorough analysis of the data it appears clear that profits will go either up, or down, unless of course they stay the same."

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

Hello National Rail Enquiries.. mystic meg speaking.."

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

"Economists, and these days we're missing more and more of the poor souls."

Nostradamus's secret is almost exposed.

Ice cube selling penguin out of business.

Nostrildamus.

"Of course, this prediction has a plus or minus margin of error of 80% or 90%."

'I've finished your horoscope, Bucky.'

Vulture sitting on company profits graph.

"Inflation doesn’t seem so bad to me."

"You might like my daughter. She's single and desperate too."

"We've got water views again."

"Your fortune: in a few minutes the rice with rotten shrimps that you ate will start making you feel very sick. We strongly recommend that you drive to the nearest hospital."

'Do you remember when we used to do the bump?'

'A recent surge in sales for Red Hot Polish Smokies indicates the highest level of consumer confidence since lunch yesterday.'

'Joey, I'm taking you out of tobacco company stocks, and putting you into medical marijuana futures.'

You ready? You betcha. J-Lo will have a love child with Alan Greenspan, then cure male-pattern baldness. From the files of: It could happen in 2021. Technical support will answer the phone.

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