Forecast Humorist Gifts

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Captain steering house through flood.

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

I made snow angels in my good clothes and mom gave me the devil for it!

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'It's easy, just wee!'

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

Weather today.

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

"Aw, geez. My nuts are frozen." "T-T-Tell me about it."

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"I told you we came back too early...I'm freezing my tail feathers off!"

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

'Van Helsing, I've told you that just Holy Water isn't enough to kill count Snowcula! You need HOT Holy Water!'

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

"Is it safe to come out yet?"

It's a bit derivative.

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

'I love it when it's sunny at festivals. It makes the mud so much warmer.'

'I swear it wasn't this cold before they invented the wind chill factor.'

'Okay, but for future reference; We never grit the ice in here.'

The Itchy Back

'I don't believe in astrology. I think that's because I'm a Leo.'

'This should shake things up -- I've just found conclusive evidence that global warming is caused by whales!'

"Shrinkage /ˈSHriNGkij/ noun: 1. the contraction of an object when cooled, 2. the 'Naked Cowboy' in Times Square on a really cold day."