Humorous Outlook Enthusiast Gifts

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

Crime in bookshop

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

"Inactivists"

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

Militant Pacifists

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."