Lover Of Funny Contradictions Gifts

Over Eater's Anonymous.

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"This is a side of Manhattan you don't often see."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Now you can send it."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Japanese woman in minimalist house reads 'How to Clutter Your Life'

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Operation.

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

The Meaning of Life

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'