Lover Of Funny Twists Gifts

'Before we get married, Doris, there is something I need to get off my chest.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'What are you implying?'

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

False starts.

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

Rattle Snake in Love with Baby

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

The Latter Day Wisdom of Solomon

"You say you don't own a weapon...so what's with all this ammo in your closet?"

'As I see it, there are two groups. Them - who came from nowhere and wear fig leaves - and us, who have been around for a long time, and are just trying to evolve.'

Piñata Blackjack

"Velcro!"

Sheep Pranks.

"For some plays, the second act is best left shrouded in mystery."

"After all these years keeping the books for us, it turns out you embezzled thousands? Why, mom?"

'I like your style, kid. How'd you like to hold cue cards in hollywood?'

Plane spells out 'Will you marr...' Inauspicious beginnings.

Finishing Line

"We met online after stealing each other's identities."

They decided to settle out of court.

Snake charmer has been eaten by his snake.

Good morning! I'm the vulture of happiness! Ray realizes it's going to be one of those days

The Three Bears and Gridlock: The story of a family whose house was raided while they were stuck in traffic.

Island

'I didn't THINK infiltration would work.'

"I want to huff and puff and blow down a big beautiful wall."

The bittersweet joy of running the fastest 100 meters in human history then realizing you've run it the wrong way.

Adult Books.

'This must be your lucky day, madam. Not only am I a Jehovah's Witness - I'm also selling double glazing.'

'The biggest surprise, after we split up, is he got my friends and I got his.'