Lover Of Humor With A Twist Gifts

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

Spanish bank needs propping up.

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

Friday The 13th, The Final Chapter.

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

The Clown Hit

Ink Eraser

"Care for an oxymoron?"

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

Ian Fleming

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

'Personally, I think your idea of writing nursery rhymes is dumb, Mother.'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

Road signs of Aging

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

"It's the super - he says a lot of short American fiction has been clogging the pipes in the basement."

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink