Lover Of Humor With A Twist Gifts

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

Spanish bank needs propping up.

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

Ink Eraser

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

The Clown Hit

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

"Care for an oxymoron?"

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

Ian Fleming

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

"It's the super - he says a lot of short American fiction has been clogging the pipes in the basement."

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

'Personally, I think your idea of writing nursery rhymes is dumb, Mother.'

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat