Love Sages Pillows

'This is my wife, Viola, who I've been happily married to for twenty five years.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

Dating the efficiency expert.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

Bishop with a crozier case.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'I still have all my own teeth.'

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

How to feel confident in love & war

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

'Pay no attention, they are a couple of ex husbands.'

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

"I married for contrast."

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."