Love Juggler Pillows

'Yes we are married, but not to each other.'

"Monogamy is like a portfolio with only one investment in it?"

Tightrope Walk of Romance

"You have a right to know—I've been married occasionally."

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'If you do ever find the girl of your dreams, what will your wife say about it?'

'I just realized this is the position I use for shooting dice.'

Busy man at his desk is given roses to smell as a Valentine's Day gift.

"As long as you get a good rest afterwards, to build up your strength for me!"

'Personal Relationship Counsellor'

Woman picking between two men.

Old and new tattoos

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Work/Life Balance

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

'The girls must be feeling better...'

Multi-Tasking

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

Complete the jigsaw puzzle of your life

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

Complaining cricket wives

"I need to know if you're really serious about our relationship."

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"How much is this going to cost me?"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."