Love Juggler Pillows

'Yes we are married, but not to each other.'

"Monogamy is like a portfolio with only one investment in it?"

Tightrope Walk of Romance

"You have a right to know—I've been married occasionally."

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'If you do ever find the girl of your dreams, what will your wife say about it?'

'I just realized this is the position I use for shooting dice.'

Busy man at his desk is given roses to smell as a Valentine's Day gift.

"As long as you get a good rest afterwards, to build up your strength for me!"

'Personal Relationship Counsellor'

Woman picking between two men.

Old and new tattoos

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Work/Life Balance

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'The girls must be feeling better...'

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

Multi-Tasking

"It's no good - I just can't do this without a brief and a deadline."

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

Complete the jigsaw puzzle of your life

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Complaining cricket wives