Love Fighter Gifts

I love you. You're my everything. Mixed Message Arts.

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"So, what are you reading?"

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Prices may keep going up, up, up, but my love for you will remain positively, and forever, as is."

'Bunfight at the O.K corral.'

Wordplay: Rabbit Punch.

"When I first met him, he was my knight in shining armour. But, he hasn't been near the metal polish in years!"

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

'Don't come too close - this baby will tear you to pieces, bite your head off and drink your blood... I've called him 'Fiscal Policy'.'

Mitch Lee, kung-fondue master.

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Same Sex Wedding

This must be the address where Joe and Maureen are throwing the dinner party!

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

Single men in Tahiti

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'Remember, rising sea levels will raise all boats.'

Stress on GPs

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

Extreme valentine enthusiast.

'I know it doesn't look like much, but have you ever been shot in the face with a p****d off cat?'

'Gentlemen--- choose your Pistils!' THE DUEL OF THE FLORISTS.

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

"Not on my watch..."