Love Counselor Gifts

"Let's stop this before we both say a lot of things we mean."

'Sorry to interrupt, but this is our sixth session and that's your third notepad. When do I get to say something?'

'There, there, dear -- they're all alike.'

"Your wife called again about that thing called love - I said you were dealing with it."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"You've changed."

Relationship Warning Lights

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

She - Interpreter - He.

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Catch and release dating.

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"It will be all your fault."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'