Counseling Lover Gifts

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'I hate Mondays.'

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

Psychiatry in the Park

Dr. Kapuchnik, I feel like there are powerful, sinister, unseen forces conspiring to do me harm, even though I haven't done anything wrong. Does this condition have a name? It's called April 15th, Al. Tax day.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

Speech-bubble-head-boy loves think-bubble-head-girl.

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'I hate to say this but no amount of analysis is going to help; you need a better cartoonist.'

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"You must learn to let go."

I understand you've been feeling ignored lately – You just need to get out there and mingle.

"It's like the other ones! I saw a shark! I saw a shark!"

"Remember, son, you can be anything you want to be...except for maybe an aroma therapist."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

Counselling Cash.

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'My power ties are demanding more closet space.'

'My rates vary - how sane do you want to get?'

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

"I like everything you suggest, except for the part where you count to three to wake me up. Can we just skip that part?"

"After 20 years of marriage, don't you think it's time you stopped calling your husband 'that Harold person'?"

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

"So...you don't understand why you don't have more friends?"