Looking For Love Pillows

"Rugged romantic seeks elegant lady. Must like hunting and gathering"

'Pinocchio, under the 'would like to meet' section you've put 'fun-loving brunette made of oak'. This may prove difficult.'

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'Sorry Andy. I really can't help you. What you need is cash, and lots of it.'

Sue believed that one day she would find her soul mate - and her missing sock.

'I'd be willing to settle for a 'Mr. Wrong' who's trainable.'

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Financially Secure Romantic with sufficient fire in belly seeks damsel in distress...

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'The computer keeps matching you up with your mother.'

"I just wish it wasn't so hard to meet a nice guy with a good sense of humour who believes in all the same conspiracies that I do."

Speed Dating: Hurry up, you old git!

"Gosh! Is it mating season already?"

"This one looks promising... likes sushi, long winter nights and chilling out in large groups."

"Are you 'distinguished connoisseur of offbeat eating establishments'?"

"Why is it all the good guys are either taken or extinct?"

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

"Sure, I can help you improve your mating call: that's my specialty..."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'Don't be discouraged. Somewhere out there is a girl warthog who will think you're extremely good looking.'

"I don't need an application form..."

'Sorry Andy. I really can't help you. What you need is cash, and lots of it.'

ACME COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'She should be attractive, intelligenty, charming, and funny, or best offer.

'Catherine-as in Zeta Jones.'

'There may never come a prince to marry me... so what, a credit officer would be great as well!'

'Sorry. I don't think we have any women with that good a sense of humour.'

Peg Party.

'This sounds good. Sensitive, professional male, 30-35, enjoys long slithers along the beach...'

Despite wanting to date a man who was 'young at heart', Beryl couldn't help but feel a little disappointed with her blind date.

'We found a girl here who might like you. How's your Bulgarian?'

'Please tell me that you have something else to offer?'

'He'd ask you out himself but he believes silence makes him more attractive.'

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

'Long time, no she.'