Longevity Achiever Gifts

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

37 years in the same position.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

Jumping Man

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"That's nuthin'. Yesterday he beat up Alex Rodriguez."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

Midlife: You Are Here.

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'Good luck with your exams' (mountain climbers).

High Jump

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."