Long-term Investor Gifts

'Look, it's like I told you yesterday, if you want to invest in mutual funds you've got to start thinking long-term.' (Man wearing sign saying 'The End is Nigh').

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Reading the sports pages.

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"I should have had him put into a more manageable format years ago."

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"Get rich slow"

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."