Long-term Investor Gifts

'Look, it's like I told you yesterday, if you want to invest in mutual funds you've got to start thinking long-term.' (Man wearing sign saying 'The End is Nigh').

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Reading the sports pages.

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"Get rich slow"

Wonderland Investors Club. Everybody has a different investment strategy. The seven dwarfs love to buy low. Jack with the Beanstalk wants to see rapid growth. And a strategy of buying and holding for the long term works for Rip van Winkle. Georgie Porgie has not had any success. He's gone broke with unwise, impulsive decisions. They guy just can't stop himself from kissing his money goodbye.

"I should have had him put into a more manageable format years ago."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"Of course I've had some wonderful times since we've been married. Mostly, while you were at work."