Lol Linguist Gifts

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'The meaning of life? sorry, I can only answer 'true or false' questions.'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

The Oxford Comma Coin

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

Bull Pen

'Well? - Now that we've learned to talk, aren't you going to admit that you were wrong?'

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

Holy Mackerel

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"Spring Chicken"

Heart To Heart

Succeed

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

A 'DIVERSION' sign points to a crazy guy.

Barbed Pen

Correct Spelling Lane.

Artichoking victim

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'