Lol Linguist Pillows

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'The meaning of life? sorry, I can only answer 'true or false' questions.'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

The Oxford Comma Coin

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

Bull Pen

'Well? - Now that we've learned to talk, aren't you going to admit that you were wrong?'

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

Holy Mackerel

Succeed

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

Heart To Heart

Correct Spelling Lane.

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"Spring Chicken"

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'

Barbed Pen

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

Artichoking victim

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."