Locker Whisperer Pillows

The first day of school is always filled with crazy emotions. Joy and trauma. Triumph and failure. Frustration and disappointment. And that's just dealing with my cruddy new locker.

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

Canine Companion

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

'Bert's dog training.'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'