Laundry Whisperer Pillows

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

"I let him think I've washed his slacks and now he claims they've shrunk."

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Sale! Weed Whackers

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

Knit One, Pearl One, Drop One.

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Rising Gas Prices

"Have you seen that sweater that you crocheted for me?"

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"What are you in for?"

Daisy Diaper Service

'My hair is so bad I have to cut it myself. I tried going to a hair salon once - they just yelled at it.'

'I think they're the best crop circles you've ever done!'

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.

"If obsessing about trash is wrong, then. . . I don't wanna be right."

'I don't know who he is...but he roto-tilled my entire yard and never even stopped to let me thank him!'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'The good news is I just dethatched the lawn. The bad news is the lawn was nothing but thatch. . .'

Grass saying: mow me/feed me/weed me/roll me.

'I gave her that ball of yarn...'

The Complete Cycle.

The Gallery Guard Unravelling the Wool of a Jumper on a Painting, Creating a Nude.

Granny Wear

"I mean, he does have a point."

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"The toaster is sueing the sandwich maker over custody of the bread..."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"