Locker Whisperer T-Shirts

The first day of school is always filled with crazy emotions. Joy and trauma. Triumph and failure. Frustration and disappointment. And that's just dealing with my cruddy new locker.

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"No no, I said sit!!"

Licensed Therapist

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

'Bert's dog training.'

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

Canine Companion

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'