Locker Room Guru Pillows

'Okay, so we're 4 and 8 this season. Take away those 8 losses and we're undefeated!'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

"I locked the key in the trunk."

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

'Same tragic story...A disgruntled athletic trainer burst into the locker room and starts taping players at random...'

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

"Well, once again I find myself all pumped up with no place to go."

'I don't need to exercise to lose weight. The odor in this locker room suppressed all my appetite.'

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

You Don't Know What It's Like

'Nobody will see it in the sauna. Besides, how bad can your birthmark actually be?'

'Relax, the game is over.'

You were great last night

"Okay, seriously guys, who's not wearing deodorant?!"

The Stocking Elves...Resort to a Life of Crime

Size matters!

'Athletic Trainer in the locker room...'

Locker Room. Ernie, on the radio they said your poor play caused eight sacks! What did the coaches think? I guess they were unhappy -- They were the ones the team owners sacked.

Just minutes before the big game Gerald realizes he grabbed the wrong gym bag.

'How to get mustard stains out of clothing? Excuse me while I call my mother!'

"I was being honest with him, he said he was being honest with me, so now we don't know who to trust."

'I'm just saying - it doesn't help morale.'

'You've lost a step...'

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

'He took a pass and disappeared?'

Women after 10 minutes vs men after 10 years.