Locker Room Comic Pillows

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'My client would like to enter a plea of inanity.'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

'We need further instruction, your honor. Does a full house beat a straight?'

"You know, Larry, you really don't have to carry that thing around to tell "knock-knock" jokes."

". . . and that's the story of why you should find this defendant. . . GUILTY!"

I rest my case, your honor, in celebration of "Casual Defense Friday." ! !

"My client demands a jury trial."

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Clearly my client would be slim, healthy and attractive if MacBurger had adequately warned him of the dangers of eating every scrap of food in their restaurant.'

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

'My client did not escape, Your Honor -- his prison was so crowded, somebody pushed him out the window!'

"I think we should accept the prosecution's generous offer of a coin flip."

'Are you capable of distinguishing right from wrong?', 'Can you give me a hint?'

'Yeah, I shot the guy, but only because I was misled by my advisors.'

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."