Locker Room Comic Gifts

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

'My client would like to enter a plea of inanity.'

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

"You know, Larry, you really don't have to carry that thing around to tell "knock-knock" jokes."

'We need further instruction, your honor. Does a full house beat a straight?'

"My client demands a jury trial."

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Clearly my client would be slim, healthy and attractive if MacBurger had adequately warned him of the dangers of eating every scrap of food in their restaurant.'

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

'Yeah, I shot the guy, but only because I was misled by my advisors.'

'Are you capable of distinguishing right from wrong?', 'Can you give me a hint?'

'My client did not escape, Your Honor -- his prison was so crowded, somebody pushed him out the window!'

"Well, once again I find myself all pumped up with no place to go."

"I think we should accept the prosecution's generous offer of a coin flip."

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."