Loch Ness Aficionado Gifts

Climate Change Has Pushed Me Out Of The Media

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Man sitting on bank with pulling up fishing with sign from fish attached to hook: Gone fishin'.

Scientist seen on loch.

Edna spots the ever elusive Loch Ness Monster.

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Another Scotch?'

The Angel's Share

'...Stop trying to funk it up.'

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

Another unconfirmed Loch Ness Monster sighting...

"If I'd wanted a Picasso I'd have gone to an art gallery, wouldn't I?"

Water skier being attacked by giant fish.

'The greatest wine in my collection? Why, it's my '45 Chateau Palmer and, oh, what a coincidence, it's right here!'

'Are you sure this photo is of us? It looks like a couple of floating logs to me.'

'A wine list? How prosaic. This is our list of lists: beer, wine, single malt scotch, water, soda, cognac...'

"Waste of money, I've been here 200 years and never yet seen a monster."

Determined fisherman

Foodie Bank

"If the energy drink isn't working, try scotch."

"I think Maurice has gone feral."

'Hey, bartender! This scotch is watered down!'

"Come on! You’ve done the whole ‘be one with the universe’ thing … be one with the Scotch."

Lady of the lakes.

'Oh, how utterly romantic! A hunter rug in front of the fireplace!'

'I'll have a stiff Scotch.'

Loch Ness Monster: Silly Ness, Busi Ness, Sexy Ness.

A nice Chianti?

'Pay no attention to any silly stories, I've been here two hundred years and never yet seen a monster.'

"This 12-year-old malt...it's very small for it's age!"