Lobbyist Humorist Gifts

'Nothing is what it seems down here. Most people are nudist speleologists, but I lobby for the pharmaceutical industry.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Good boy."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'