Congressional Humorist Gifts

Junket mail

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They're Not Just That Into It

UK/US Free Trade Deal

No-Work Orange

Trump! The Musical

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'

"Beware of Don"

Preliminary Price Tag: $5,000,000,000

John F. Kennedy

Uncle Donnie

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"Look! Other people. We'll have to develop a foreign policy!"

Trump Will Protect Obama's Legacy

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

European Union: Entering a prohibitive tax zone.

The White House: Some Assembly Required.

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

'This conspiracy theory nonsense MUST end. Any suggestions?'

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

2020 Republican Party National Convention

"I'm the worst president ever...the best!"

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

'I couldn't get Parliament to outlaw Lady Godiva, but they agreed to regulate her.'