Loan Term Decipherer Gifts

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Information vs. confusion

Developing links within business.

'No Farnsworth, I'm not firing you. I'm enhancing your advancement opportunities.'

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

IKEA Book

'...just robbing peter to pay paul...what's up with you?'

Translating Contractor to English

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'It's my job to be nosy!'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"The Company has drawn a line under me and moved on."

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

'We need to ask Blah! The PSB to get the PCT to Blah! Put another GPWSI in the MSK Black! Blah!'