Loan Shark Humor Gifts

'I'm afraid we can't use your other outstanding loans as collateral.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'Sir, our new financing concept has probably got out.'

'We're not clear who is running your company.'

"Could you stop referring to the interest rate as 'the vig'?"

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

'You've been approved for your loan, Mr. Root. We'd like to hold your nuts as collateral.'

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'How about a reverse-reverse mortgage? In a reverse-reverse mortgage, no one pays anyone anything, and no one seems to care.'

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

The Dark Side of the Lone Ranger

Jerry, times are tough. I'll take your iou for $75 only if it's written on a $100 bill.

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

Money going to shark and piggy bank.

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

'I warned you, Dr. Jekyll. It was a bad idea to give an additional credit card to Mr. Hyde.'

'As soon as you pay back the money, you can go ahead and stop worrying about worldly matters.'

'Hey, bartender! This scotch is watered down!'

'The first thing I gotta do is pay off my loan. My roommate loaned me 6 bucks last week for beer.'

'You're not smiling, Stan. I guess my credit is a horror story.'

"Dad, the gorilla from the collecting agency is back!"

Cash Machine pulls a face at a customer.

"We have the perfect plan for you. It's the mortgaged to the eyeballs plan."

'Let's see, no current job, no job history, dicey credit report, congratulations Ed, you're approved!'

'Okay, wipe that 30-year fixed scowl off your face, and give us your short-term adjustable grin!'

'Our mortgage is now owned by a guy named Lenny the Squid in bayonne, N.J.'

"Typical. . . Bills bills and more bills."

"I really need to start carrying some wasabi."

Alone Shark: 'Still nobody to see me, Pauline?'

Not expected to be easily approved for a mortgage.