Loan Shark Humor Pillows

'I'm afraid we can't use your other outstanding loans as collateral.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'Sir, our new financing concept has probably got out.'

'We're not clear who is running your company.'

"Could you stop referring to the interest rate as 'the vig'?"

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'You've been approved for your loan, Mr. Root. We'd like to hold your nuts as collateral.'

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

'How about a reverse-reverse mortgage? In a reverse-reverse mortgage, no one pays anyone anything, and no one seems to care.'

Money going to shark and piggy bank.

The Dark Side of the Lone Ranger

Jerry, times are tough. I'll take your iou for $75 only if it's written on a $100 bill.

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

'As soon as you pay back the money, you can go ahead and stop worrying about worldly matters.'

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

'Hey, bartender! This scotch is watered down!'

"Dad, the gorilla from the collecting agency is back!"

'The first thing I gotta do is pay off my loan. My roommate loaned me 6 bucks last week for beer.'

'You're not smiling, Stan. I guess my credit is a horror story.'

"We have the perfect plan for you. It's the mortgaged to the eyeballs plan."

Cash Machine pulls a face at a customer.

'Let's see, no current job, no job history, dicey credit report, congratulations Ed, you're approved!'

'Okay, wipe that 30-year fixed scowl off your face, and give us your short-term adjustable grin!'

'Our mortgage is now owned by a guy named Lenny the Squid in bayonne, N.J.'

"Typical. . . Bills bills and more bills."

Not expected to be easily approved for a mortgage.

"I really need to start carrying some wasabi."

Alone Shark: 'Still nobody to see me, Pauline?'

'Aren't you afraid of inaccuracies on your credit report?'