Loan Jester Pillows

'I'd like to borrow enough to buy this bank.'

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'How about a game of cards?'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

Yawning barristers in court

"I say we move on to dessert."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Basketball.

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'