Mortgage Jester Pillows

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'He does.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Why markets crash.

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'Wait a minute....!

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'