Loan Jesters Pillows

"It's from your student loan office."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Richard the Turd

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

"Which will it be - do we label it '20% free', and raise the price 20%, or label lit '40% free', and raise the price 40%?"

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

Pumping up wig in blender.

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

Jump! Jump! How high? He just doesn't get it, does he?

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

Conflicted Chief

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

'I've just had a terrible nightmare that we were living sensibly, within our budget!'

'The justice will be swift - the attorney fees, swifter.'

Where legal teams but their outfits.

"We're having a whip-round for Jane - you're next."

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

'I'd like to borrow enough to buy this bank.'

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

'Our plea will be innocent by reason of insanity.'

"Your Honor, the state has every reason to consider the defendant an extremely high flight risk."