Bargain Jesters Pillows

"Which will it be - do we label it '20% free', and raise the price 20%, or label lit '40% free', and raise the price 40%?"

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

Richard the Turd

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

Pumping up wig in blender.

'It must be a milkfish.'

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

'Don't leave me hanging!'

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

"So you've been here three years. Just what is your name? I need it for the downsizing list."

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

Turkey Hostage.

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

'Yes, they do contain e-numbers - But they're e-numbers that make you feel amorous!'

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

'Actually, we're looking for someone who's willing to start at the bottom and stay there.'

'What with Obama and all his giveaways, I'm surprised you're still in business.'

Genial youth talking to his sister's fiancée

"I'm sorry...did I forget to mention? I must be honest with you. I have a condition. My doctor says I may need a full time nurse. But otherwise, I'm in perfect health!""

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

'God, you did this to me you son of a bitch!'

"This personal lubricant has an expiration date of 2025 - just saying."

Man flashing at a periscope in the middle of the ocean

'Do you always dress like this on the first date?'

"It's from your student loan office."

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

'Sorry, pal - I don't really go for ginger blokes.'

"I'm afraid I'm patenting you."