Lively Debater Gifts

'So you're the boy who wants to be a chugger.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'Do you think that's wise?'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"Jersey Tomatoes" vs. "Jersey toMAHtoes"

Why do they prefer a pitcher to a belly itcher? Everyone loves a belly itcher!

Big people always make a mess of things phobia: 'Let's play grownups. You'll be for busing and I'll be against it.'

Prisoner speech

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"I have a warrant for the arrest of Sandro Botticelli."

Evangelical Political Influence

"Curses! You have thwarted my science-based argument by quoting scripture! I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

"If thinking about sin is as bad as committing it, why not go ahead and commit it?"

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

Mud Slinging

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

"Saying you're moral because you believe in God is like saying you're a soldier because you play 'Call of Duty'."

As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is The Children v. Mommy. The Supreme Court, Juvenile Division.

"The world needs revolutionaries...people who challenge the system, who question authority, who aren't afraid to say, 'I won't take anymore!'"

"All in favor of ending the heartache and the thousand natural shocks this firm is heir to, say aye."

"Advantage, Mom."

"Why not use thoughts and prayers to stop abortions? That's what you've been using to stop school shootings."

"What are we protesting about?"

"Oh, yeah! Well my dad says St. Joe is too the patron saint of coffee!"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'