Live Games Gifts

"I promised I'd bring him - he could never afford to come when he was alive."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Glastonbury. After.

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Zombie standup

Pete Townshend Vineyards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Anna Calvi

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"This next one's another oldie."

At the rock concert...

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Applause

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Theatre Crowd

Chano Pozo,

"Free Bird!"

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Eric Clapton.

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Occupational Hazards.

Steve Howe.

'Hey, hey, hey!'

Plum jam...

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."