Little Mischief Pillows

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

'Outside with that!'

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

"Billy, we don't need to feed that vacuum robot."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

'She said she was made out of sugar and spice, so I bit her.'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'Why are you hiding in the closet?'

'I'd like an older brother, please.'

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

'Talk about fun, Joey! I dialed a zillion numbers and talked to all kinds of people I couldn't even understand!'

'Who gave you that black eye?'

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

Those bubble wrap kids.