Litigant Pillows

"We represent a North Carolina trade association and we'd like to file suit against the Native Americans for introducing our clients to a certain agricultural product."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

'What'll it be?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Another slander suit!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'It's a treasure map.'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

'Take me to your lawyer.'

Law Offices

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

"I love this comedy. What's it called?"

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

"Congratulations, Counselor. It's a boy and your wife's fine. She just had a little difficulty passing his fin through the birth canal."

Out of Court Settlement

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"