Litigation Pillows

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

"Look, I'm not blaming you. I'm just suing you."

"We're introducing a new policy. We call it, 'No Win, No Job'

ACME LAW FIRM, 'We've got to find some outside clients -- We can't make a living just suing each other.'

'Remember, McWit. Disclaimers are in the eye of the manipulator.'

'What is the purpose of your visit?'

'We're creating green jobs for lawyers by environmentalists suing us.'

"This is my lawyer, my lawyer's lawyer and my lawyer's lawyer's lawyer!"

"Ambulance chasing is all well and good. But the serious money is in bottom feeding."

'Do you feel up to receiving lawyers?'

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

Liability lawyer.

Law office of GRINDER, PIERCE, PINCHER, CUTTER AND POKE: Personal Injury Specialists.

"This being Casual Friday, anyone have a frivolous lawsuit we can discuss?"

"Your TV commercials have caused me pain and suffering. Can I sue you for that?"

"Couldn't be busier. My agent is suing my manager, my manager is suing my lawyer, I'm suing my agent and my lawyer is suing me."

"Well, I say we sue for compensation"

'This case involves big bucks. Now. Just how many bucks can you afford to lose?'

"Refresh my memory: Are you my lawyer or my lawyer's lawyer?"

"Sticks and stones didn't break my bones, but the words did hurt me. Can I sue?"

'Did anyone ever tell you that you're beautiful when you're litigious?'

"Forgive Edmund, it's like this everywhere we go! Evertime he hears a siren....lawyer, you know!"

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

"It's great to see things getting back to normal… new yorkers suing new yorkers."

"My client is willing to settle. Do you still have the leg?"

"I think I've lost a step with age. Instead of suing I usually just wind up counter suing."

We can offer you a 'no win no fee' litigation against any lawyer who has offered you 'no win no fee' litigation.

The legal profession takes a downward plunge

"Come back when you decide to sue someone other than us."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Mr. Klein loves to watch former defendents whom he's sued the pants off.'

'When life hands you lemons, sue somebody!'