Litigating Pillows

'Can Walter come out and litigate?'

Trial by Media

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'What'll it be?'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

Sue The Bastards

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'Take me to your lawyer.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"