Literary Warrior Gifts

"I don't just want to write. I want to be in literary feuds."

Dear Author: Benign way of saying no. Sincerely, The Editors.

There were originally four musketeers. He said that the pen is mightier than the sword.

The first book club. I can't explain it but people use this as a reason to get together and drink wine.

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Soldier armed with a pen.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"So, what are you reading?"

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

'Can you debunk my essay?'

Shakespeare working on his "author's bio"

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'Coleridge'

"Ted doesn't test well."

Examiners.

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Hold for one more page, then roll over into the bended elbow, resting chin pose. Book yoga.

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

'126,000 words done...now I just need to work out what order to put them in.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

"Joyce Carol Oates seems to have no trouble coming out with book after book."