Literary Investor Gifts

"So you're a poet? I don't get exposed to much poetry these days, unless you talk about the poetry of price-to-earnings ratios."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Profit

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Meet The Author"

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

First Novels.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

The Dorrie Decimal System

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Blue Stockings

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

'He likes to power nap.'

Voltaire