Literary Doomsayer Gifts

'The End is Near'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

Bookworm Sleepover

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Optimist

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Free speech isn't cheap!

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

"Isn't it obvious? I'm writing the great American graphic novel."

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

A Poet

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

Heaven

Don Quichotte

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"Hey - I'd write a book, too, if I could find the time."

"Not now. I'm working on my children's book."

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

"I wish you would actually sell one of these novels...all these returned manuscripts are giving me backaches!"

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

Writer Blinds Shakespeare in Shame.

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."