Literacy Advocacy Gifts

'No one read it.'

Hate Platforms

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'What does it say, Dad?'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Common Core Family Therapy

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Staff Yearbook

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

About the curriculum. The contemporary novel from Austen to Dickens...

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

Another shot heard round the world.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

'LOVELY school. But where's the library?' 'What's a library?'

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

"I hope you're not reading fake news."

'It may not be a great report card but it beat the street expectations.'

Gold versus Knowledge

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."