Linkedin Lover Gifts

"There appears to be some discrepancies between your C.V. and your Wikipedia entry."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"The boss can see you now."

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

A boy with a camera

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

Couch Potatoes

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

"I hear you've got friends in high places...?"

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

"I'm not 'just sitting here' — my mind is all over the place."

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

Online Dating for Dummies

'OK Sheldon - which part of the Unified Field Theory do you not understand?'

"Look, Mom! A broadband digital subscriber line followed me home. Can we keep it?"

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

Tee for Two!

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

Road to Recovery: Snakes and Ladders.

"I'm so confident that when I climb a ladder."

"Well, sometimes I'll just hang around and do nothing. Oh wait, that's all the time."

"The great resignation is being fueled by the desire to brag about quitting one's job on LinkedIn."

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

The Ladder to Heaven