Linguistic Mischief Gifts

"Hi! I'm on the trina."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

Time Table

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

"Standard equipment includes the Manual Anti-Collision Sonic Warning System...otherwise known as the horn."

"No you idiot! I said to get a brain, not bran cereal!"

'Today I learned a little grammar in the classroom and LOTS of vocabulary on the playground!'

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

It's not like you to be late... Forgot to set my alarm cock. (Alarm cock? What did you say that for?!)

"Who made this mess?"

'Biggo was easy but I had a liitle trouble with Dairy.'

'Don't tell him I can't speak, French. He's paying me to translate his girlfriends letters.'

"Watch this!"

"Ok, George ... now you've ruined Christmas."

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

Cull anyone who says "at the end of the day" or "To cut a long story short" more than once in a conversation.

The Toast Hunter

14! What does that mean? We started the day with 100 pastries. We sold 85. There should be 15 left. But there are only 14. Overreaction coming. STOLEN SCONE!!! Breathe.

'It's some kind of silly note from the barbarians, sire. It says, 'We will, we will, rock you...'

"I should've never taught you to shake."

Those bubble wrap kids.

Nothing burgers. Word salad. Knuckle sandwiches.

Flirtation

Sharon got stuck. . .

"Oh no! The dog's eaten the Thesaurus"

"The monarch appreciates your wit, but thinks your timing sucks."

'Employment service? I asked for keypunchers, not cowpunchers!'

The adorably cute Labradoor (A dog in the shape of a door)

Careful Fred, looks like another leper con.