Divine Mischief Gifts

"You're not a bird at a car wash. Stop it!"

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Billy, we don't need to feed that vacuum robot."

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

Reason # 23 that doors don't make perfect seal against winter winds: Mischievous unemployed elves.

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

God creates humans.

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'What's my fortune then?!

"Once a sinner, always a sinner!"

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

A trap for Santa

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

Santa's sleigh up on cinder blocks.

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

"Watch this!"

14! What does that mean? We started the day with 100 pastries. We sold 85. There should be 15 left. But there are only 14. Overreaction coming. STOLEN SCONE!!! Breathe.

'It's some kind of silly note from the barbarians, sire. It says, 'We will, we will, rock you...'

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

"Well, it seems that St. Patrick didn't drive all the snakes out of Ireland."

Flirtation

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"I should've never taught you to shake."

'-and leave the money in used notes in the left luggage department...'

"...and on line 14 you claim 42 arrows and a battle ax as pillaging expenses, but on line 50 you claim them again under arsenal depreciation."

"Hello, is this 999?"

"The monarch appreciates your wit, but thinks your timing sucks."

"Welcome to the walk-in clinic. The special is cholesterol screening and the catch of the day is whooping cough."

"Let's see how many times I can get this guy to use my name in vain."

'This case has taken a strange twist -- it turns out that my nurse is allergic to you.'

Careful Fred, looks like another leper con.

"'An easy fly ball to center field' - We'll see about that."